Russian Weddings Part 1

Ksusha - the wedding preparation.

What a whirlwind! 3 weeks ago Ksusha (Nastya's best friend) dropped the bombshell. The announcement was a shock to everyone. She would be relocating to Moscow with her boyfriend Anton, but before that both of them would tie the knot. 3 weeks later, Anton and Ksusha are married and now live in Moscow. I must give it to these Russians, when they want to do something there is absolutely no stopping them. A wedding in 3 weeks, I can just hear you all saying , "impossible". Well in Russia anything is possible.

Russian weddings are epic. 2 day affairs of wild celebrations, pranks, hi jinks and of course copious amounts of drinking. My own wedding involved the father of the bride stripping down to his underwear, the bride being stolen from the ceremony and the groom having to serenade his future wife from the street. Western weddings are more formal and for some reason take a ridiculous amount of time to organise. I remember the absolute uproar Nastya caused when she told the dressmaker that she needed her dress in 8 months time. Over here, a dress in 3 weeks, bez problem. A reception organised in 3 weeks, bez problem. Flowers in three weeks, NO PROBLEM!

It's a grooms paradise! The whole wedding preparation experience that normally takes over a year and sees so many good men knee-capped from tedious decision to tedious argument, can actually be over in less than a month. Swift, painless and effective, just like any good operation.

Weddings in under 6 months, what a concept! Maybe there's a business idea in it.

The differences don't stop with the preparation time. This is just the beginning. Russian weddings are pure theater and full of surprises. Before the ceremony the groom must pick up his bride from her parents. However, this is not as easy as just strolling on over and whisking her away in the car. The groom must show his "worth" before the family excepts him. This "worth" is determined through a serious of tests that inevitably cause great embarrassment and sometimes some serious money changing hands. The groom must fight to claim his bride.

Russians live in apartment blocks, and the higher the bride's apartment, the more effort the groom has to spend. There are posters with jokes and questions regarding family life all over the walls on his way up made by the bride's friends. Each stair-well is a challenge for the groom - he must answer a question to be allowed to progress to the next level. It's a team work - bride's friends ask devious questions (about the bride and the bride's family), and the groom must answer with the help of his friends. For example as in my wedding, he may be shown a few photos of baby girls and asked which one is his bride. If he guesses wrong, he must pay cash to pass this stair-well. (If the building has a lift it will be usually blocked by the bride's team; but if the groom manages to find another way to the bride's apartment than the stairs, it's his right. He can climb up the wall or climb down from the roof - it would be much more fun but grooms are seldom that adventurous.) So it can be quite a tough intellectual task to get to the door of his bride. He can be also asked to sing, to dance or anything else. But eventually he will make it of course.

Waiting for the groom.

The whole process is very long and detailed, with tradition after tradition. I will continue the commentary in my next posting as the groom finally gets to the enterance of the brides house.

Anton and Ksusha

Milk anyone?

"Let's get a lot of milk from each cow."

Love it! I never thought milk could be so motivating. Actually, the other day in my Business English class I asked "what sort of fringe benefits were common in Russian businesses?" Would you believe it, milk was the answer! Apparently in Soviet times, free milk was given to employees in order to keep them healthy. Crazy stuff, I know. While we are on the crazy stuff, I was told today that in the early days of the Revolution a bloke named Artyom from Vlad (now the name of a little town just outside of Vald), left Russia in the 1920s and helped set up Australia's very own Trade Unions. Does this mean that our unions were formed from the Russian model? I'll have to do a little more investigating. Something to think about as all of you head to the polls on the weekend.

Solo

She's off again and Pilmeni is back on the breakfast, lunch and dinner menu. I miss having my little krasavica, doma. It feels strange bacheloring it once again.
Winter has come early and in doing so forcing a major change in the civilian wardrobe. One can not leave the house without shapka (fur hat), perchatki (gloves), thermal undies and of course in my case, an enormous puffy jacket George Castannza would be proud of.
The weekend was too quick. It feels as if I hardly saw Nastya at all. Saturday night we caught up with a few friends at "Syndicate", a very swanky 1920's style bar/restaurant, where a Jive band played an Vlad's more wealthy enjoyed Belgium beer on tap.
Tomorrow, I start work at 9, very early for Russians. I should be interesting as I'm without wheels for the moment and am going to catch the tram and bus. With the forecast being -15 degrees, I should be quite an adventure.

Typing with numb fingers.

Oh my god, we've hit minus double digits! I've been doing quite well. The mornings have been cold at a few bellow and the day time temperature has been reaching a manageable 5-6 degrees. This morning however ,I was caught completely unawares, as the thermometer plummeted into the minus 10-12 range. It was such a shock as the cold penetrated the singlet, shirt, jumper and leather jacket I was wearing. I always thought it strange when Nastya would say:"leather is for Autumn and fur for Winter", well now I completely agree! To make matters worse Vladivostok's notorious winds were in full effect this morning, greeting the locals like a cold hard slap in the face as they stepped from their homes. The wind chill in Vlad is infamous and can turn a -10 degrees day into one witch is more like -30 degrees.
So you can imagine how I would have felt this morning, after the long frost bitten walk to the parking lot, every urge in my body was focused on getting in the car and cranking the heater. Well, no such luck. The car wouldn't start! The engine had frozen and the heater, no matter how much I wanted it, was going to stay off. One hour later the car slowly woke from it's frozen slumber and off to work I went. Better late than never. Tomorrow the whole process begins again, I just hope the mechanics who worked on my car today fixed the problem.

Lactose intolerant BEWARE!

Ok here's the deal, if you are lactose intolerant maybe Russia is not the place for you. Russia is a dairy lovers paradise with a smorgasbord of dairy products. Forget about Skim, Trim, Physical and all those wussie tasteless poor excesses for milk, here only the real thing goes, and boy is it nice to drink THE REAL STUFF once again. In Australia sure, there's milk, yogurt, cheese and cream but what about the rest?! Russia is dairy obsessed. I never knew there were so many different dairy products. Kefir, tvorog, sirniki, varenec, sour milk, butter milk, sirok the list is endless and so to are the dairy aisles at the supermarket.

I've recently acquired a taste for sour milk and with no fat, no sugar and plenty of flavour, this drink is a lifesaver between classes. The other day however, I was in a rush at the supermarket and just grabbed a bottle of what looked like sour milk. After my first class I was famished and popped the top downing it like a man in a Solo commercial. "Hang on this tastes kind of funky", I thought. Looking at the label it read "Kumis". "Is this sour milk?" I asked one of my fellow teachers. "No it's horses milk! " was the answer.

After recovering from the initial shock and image of a horse's udder, I actually started to enjoy it. Now I cycle between sour milk and horse's milk everyday.

Breakfast of champions - dairy all the way!

Bench Comp

Just got back from the Sun life Open Day Bench Comp. It certainly was an interesting experience. This particular comp was not based on your max 1RM, but on how how many reps you can do at a 100kg. It was a lot of fun, as lactic acid kicked in, competitors squealed and jerked the weight off their chests. The energy systems used for this type of comp were on the endurance side, rather than just speed and power. I think such a comp would be quite popular in Australia. Unfortunately for me, due to a lack of regular eating and training , I only managed to do 11 reps at a body weight of 70kg. In comparison the winner weighed in at about 80kg and benched 32 reps. Some of the guys technique as absolutely awesome. Big wide grips and chests that nearly touched the bar. One bloke's range of movement would have been about 5cm in total. The comp itself was huge, with media and a substantial crowd.

My preparation for the comp included a bit of a binge drinking session the night before. I was hoping the calories in the beer and brandy would have propelled me through to a few extra reps. I was wrong! Funny though, there must be something in the tobacco over here, as nearly all lifters were seen from time to time outside dragging on a cigarette.

Bench Press Preparation, Jeff, Ed, Joe and I.

Struggling with 100kg - 11th rep?

32 reps!

31 reps!

Ned Kelly

Woke up this morning and it's snowing. I still find it hard to believe that I am actually living here. The culture, the weather and the people, everything is so immeasurably different. Sometimes I really have to pinch myself and that's not because of my numb body, but because my old life feels so distant.

Life teaching English is fantastic! The collage I work at is very professional, with most of the teachers being Russian. I can't believe how well they understand the language, they would put many Aussies to shame with their language ability. Along with the Russian teachers, there are a couple of native speakers, Georgia from the US, Sand Deep from India and of course myself representing Aus.
Yesterday, however, another Aussie rocked up to EF, (English First Collage), looking for a teaching position. Oh my God what a disaster! Straight away he tried to ask all the Russian teachers if they could set him up and also explained that he didn't like French women because they don't shave their legs. I don't know where this guy got his facts from, probably the back of Burke. Anyway, this fast talking bush ranger quickly soiled his reputation and gave himself absolutely no chance of winning the job. I was just glad that I could put my fellow teachers minds at rest, that not all Aussies are raving sex obsessed, follicly challenged maniacs, just 19 million of us!

Nas is loving her work as well. She's off on a business trip all next week leaving me home alone for 7 days. Luckily there is "Expats Night"! One night of the week where all the fellow castaways meet up at the local watering hole and for 3-4 hours, Russia drifts off into the distance. Last Thursday was my first attendance. It was great to chat with other westerners about the trails and tribulations of Russian life. Next time I'll bring the camera so I can post a few photos for the Blog!

Day Of Unity

In case you didn't know today was a public holiday. Russian Day Of Unity, is a bit of an enigma amongst most of the locals, ( surprise,surprise). No one seemed to be able to explain it's significance, something about peace and goodwill being spread over all ethnic groups. Actually the holiday was kind of just thrown in, in order to replace a former very significant Holiday. The 7th of November was, in USSR times Revolution Day.


Anyway, I appreciated the chance to convalesce and catch-up on some of the more medial tasks that have been long over due, a trip to the car wash, gym, pick-up some stationary for work etc.

Saturday night was a hoot. The two of us were invited around to Jeff and Rarda's for some Mexican and some intercontinental Trivial Pursuit warfare. Each combatant exuded national pride and held a take no prisoners approach. There was Jeff (USA) and Rarda(RUS), who were a rather imposing team. Jeff, an American who through his teaching has seen him work in India, Mexico, Ukraine and now Russia posed quite a threat. Hailing from Minnesota and wearing the obligatory "I Love Hot Mums" t-shirt, there was no way I was going to let this cowboy swagger his way to the gold.

Then, there was possibly the biggest threat in Ed (UK). The Cambridge Graduate has traveled to 31 countries (his words), speaks German, French, Chinese, Russian and of course the Queen's English. Ed hails from Nottingham, the Quintessential Pom who will at any chance, attempt to ear bash you about English superiority and the mighty British Empire. On paper alone, Mr Cambridge was enough to scare any Trivial Pursuit enthusiast back to pure luck games like Monopoly. Then there was of course my wife. Nastya's (RUS) mix of European, pop culture and mathematical knowledge has in the past buried me. From out of nowhere, she has the ability to fly under the radar for a few questions then pounce like rabid she-wolf.

Boy were the odds against the "gym guy " from that inhospitable island,that grabs world attention, once or twice a year, for end of the news stories such as surfing dogs, shark attacks and other oddball Aussie tales.

End result USA - 1st
Australia - 2nd
Russia - 3rd
England - last! (Amazing the benefits of a good education).

Home Alone

Life here is starting to settle into a somewhat familiar routine. Work for both of us is going well and definitely keeps us on our toes. As a matter of fact, Nastya is already scheduled to go on her first business trip. On the 12th of November she will join an auditing team traveling to Khabarovsk, about 14 hours away by train. The trip could be between 1 and 3 weeks long, leaving me in a bit of a quandary as to how am I going to survive while she is away. Well OK, that is a bit of an exaggeration, of course I'll survive, it's just going to be a little strange not having her around. Who is going to cook! I don't think I could go back to my days as a bachelor where the menu solely consisted of chicken, rice and steamed veggies. Yuck! Sure, I know what all you gym junkies are thinking, "Nic is going to get lean once again", well, no thanks! I am quite happy to continue the infatuation with all things oily, sweet and starchy (pelmeni, golubci, blini etc.). Since meeting Nastya, I finally understood the powerful words form one of life's true visionaries, Oliver!

Food, glorious food!

Hot sausage and mustard!

While we're in the mood -- Cold jelly and custard!

Pease pudding and saveloys!What next is the question?

Rich gentlemen have it, boys -

-In-di-gestion!

Indigestion, such a pleasantly painful experience, especially after one of my wife's meals. Boy can she cook!

This weekend is a long one due to "National Unity Day". Tonight were of to dinner at an American blokes house. He is also married to a Russian and has been living in Vlad for the last three years. It should be interesting to hear his story. I've got plenty of questions lined up for him.

Just another average Thursday

After three weeks of what seemed like endless renovations, finally, we are back at our own place. Today I awoke to a mild +3 autumn day. Anastasia was due for her first day at work. So at 8am I trudged off to collect the car, and rendezvoused at the front of our place at 8.30am. Traffic in Vladivostok, as I have commented before, is pretty intense specially at peak hour, when five cars are pushing for two lanes. I cannot believe how resourceful the drivers are here. Footpaths, bush tracks, even cutting across the local school oval are fair game when travelling to work. Lucky I've got a 4wd!
After dropping Anastasia outside the main train station, I headed home to prepared for my classes. Working Russian style is quite different from Australian. Nastya's first day at work involved the staff getting creative as the power went off for 4 hours. Tomorrow should be a little more fun as she was informed to bring champagne and cake to celebrate the new arrival.
As for me, i had three classes this afternoon, and now I am sitting down to a cup of tea and block of dark chocolate. Hey, before you all start pointing the finger, I heard that couple of squares of dark chocolate are good for you, and so a whole block must be even better!